October often brings thoughts of costumes and masks, as teens and families prepare for Halloween fun. But for some teens, “masking” happens far beyond October 31st. Instead of dressing up for a party, they put on a figurative mask every day—hiding their true feelings, struggles, or traits in order to fit in, meet expectations, or avoid judgment.
Many parents describe feeling puzzled when their teen seems like “two different people.” At school, they may appear calm, polite, and even thriving—yet at home, they withdraw, shut down, or become irritable. This shift can be confusing, and it often leaves parents wondering what’s really going on. One possible explanation is something called masking.
What Is Masking?
Masking happens when a teen hides or suppresses parts of themselves to fit in, avoid judgment, or meet expectations. This might look like pushing down strong emotions, imitating peers’ behavior, or working hard to “blend in” socially. While masking can sometimes help teens navigate stressful environments in the short term, it often comes at a cost.
For neurodivergent teens—especially those with ADHD or autism—masking can involve concealing traits that might otherwise draw unwanted attention. But even neurotypical teens may mask their true feelings, pretending they’re “fine” when inside they feel anxious, sad, or overwhelmed.
Why Teens Mask
There are many reasons a teen may put on a mask, including:
- Peer pressure and social acceptance – Wanting to fit in and avoid standing out.
- Academic or family expectations – Trying to appear capable or “together” even when struggling.
- Fear of judgment – Worrying that showing emotions will make them look weak or different.
- Survival strategy – For some teens, masking feels like the safest way to get through the day.
The Cost of Masking
Although masking can help a teen get by in certain situations, it’s often draining. Many teens who mask spend so much energy “holding it together” that they feel exhausted, irritable, or overwhelmed once they’re in a safe environment—often at home. Over time, masking can contribute to:
- Increased stress and anxiety.
- Low self-esteem or loss of identity.
- Emotional burnout.
- Difficulty forming authentic connections.
Signs Your Teen May Be Masking
Masking can be subtle, but some signs include:
- Acting “perfect” or overly agreeable at school while melting down at home.
- Expressing exhaustion after social or school situations.
- Having a “public self” that feels different from how they are with close family.
- Reluctance to share feelings or admit struggles.
How Parents Can Help
If you suspect your teen may be masking, here are a few supportive steps:
- Create a safe space at home – Let your teen know that it’s okay to let down their guard with you.
- Normalize emotions – Talk openly about your own stress or challenges to model healthy expression.
- Encourage breaks and downtime – Give your teen space to recharge after school or social events.
- Seek support – Therapy can help teens learn healthier coping strategies and reduce the pressure to mask.
Final Thoughts
While Halloween masks come off after a night of fun, the figurative masks many teens wear can feel harder to remove. Masking is often a hidden struggle, but with understanding and support, teens can learn to embrace their authentic selves. By creating an environment of acceptance and compassion, parents can help their teen feel seen, valued, and safe to be who they truly are.
At Campbell Teen & Family Therapy, we specialize in helping teens and their families navigate these challenges with compassion and evidence-based strategies. In addition to individual and family therapy, we now offer a weekly Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) skills group for teens to learn practical tools for managing stress, emotions, and relationships.
We are also proud to provide bilingual therapy in both Spanish and Japanese, making our services more accessible and inclusive for families in our community.
You don’t have to face this alone — and neither does your teen.
If your teen is feeling overwhelmed this school year, we can help them find calm, confidence, and balance. Call us at (408) 628-0532 or send us a message to get started at admin@campbellteenfamilytherapy.com. Together, we can make this school year a more positive, empowering experience.
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